Peewee: Our Last Day Together

Cancer

Peewee was sick and had been sick for a very long time. His oncologist often reminded me that one day his medication would no longer work to battle his cancer, but that day seemed to never come. Later, the oncologist referred me to a cardiologist who worried about the condition of Peewee’s heart and the impact it could have on his lungs. Before I knew it, Peewee was taking 4 medications twice daily, but still everything was under control and my pup still seemed my like himself. He took his pills like a champ and although aging, he was so happy all the time! I never worried.

Peewee’s blood work came back from one of his check-ups with his oncologist, Dr. Roof. Something wasn’t right and it was the only phone call I had received from her with bad news in a long time. After three years, Peewee’s medication was no longer working for him. Dr. Roof offered an alternative treatment that was implemented right away. Instead of 3 month check ups, Peewee was now going to the vet every couple of weeks to get some sort of miracle shot. It didn’t work the way it should have and Peewee slowed down at home. Me and my ex had to make the very difficult decision to stop the vet visits but we thought we had at least a few months left with Peewee. Peewee’s condition worsened and Dr. Roof said he had about two weeks left of life.

The clock was ticking and all I could do was spend as much time with him as I could. After work, I visited Peewee in his “nursing home” as my ex would call it. He referred to it as a nursing home because there were blankets and dog beds on the floor to accommodate Peewee; there was no square inch of the apartment that was off limits to little guy; it’s where Peewee spent the majority of his time and felt most comfortable.

My afterwork visits with Peewee were hard as I saw him become more fragile. He no longer got excited at the sound of cereal hitting a bowl, he couldn’t walk over to greet me, he lost interest in going outside, and almost overnight, he just wanted to be held and never be left alone. Ex and I knew it was time to let him go and made an appointment with hospice care to euthanize him at home.

Friday

The appointment was for 3:00pm that afternoon. I made it to Peewee by 9:00 am and snuggled him awake. His eyes opened but he didn’t have the energy to do much more than that. We went on the first walk of the day, and by walk, I mean he was carried the entire time with his eyes closed. Being outside was his favorite thing and although he couldn’t walk the street the way he used to, I could see his little chest puffing up and down as he sniffed the summer morning. He was happy.

We went back inside and got him to eat what would be his last meal. I supported his unstable body so that he could eat the little he wanted and raised the water bowl for a few sips. I help my little dog and I cried knowing he would soon be gone, then I would smile thinking about all the good times we had.

His life’s final adventure was to the park. We picked up a Starbucks puppuccino and started a mission to find the greenest grass and the most shady trees. We set up a blanket and fed Peewee his snack. If you saw the photos above, you can tell he was absolutely delighted! It was the last time he was excited to eat anything, and it tugged my heart strings to see him bulge his eyes and lunge his body at the sight of whipped cream.

With just a little over an hour left before the appointment, we made our way back home so that Peewee could rest and we could mentally prepare for the heartache that was to come. As we had done all day, we took turns holding Peewee trying to memorize the colors of his fur and the beat of his little heart.

The vet was punctual for the appointment and we were as ready as we could possibly be. Peewee laid his weak little body on me and my ex for the last time, his favorite humans in the whole world. The vet sedated him as I thanked him for being the best dog for the past 15 years. Once he was at ease, she euthanized him and I felt his body slow down to a stop in my arms.

It was a painful moment and a difficult to decision to have made, but Peewee knew it was his time to go. As much as my heart hurt on Friday, it was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. I am so lucky to have had a wonderful day with him surrounded by the people he loved the most.

Peewee may be gone now, but he will be missed and loved for as long as I live. I am so blessed to have had the life we had together. May my little guy rest in peace.

XO, Vivian