Ok, the first goodbye was hard. I had my car packed and Peewee in the passenger seat and no set plans to see Prashi again. I was 100% positive I would be crying myself to sleep in my new apartment for the rest of the week. The days went by and no tears! In fact, it seemed too easy. I thought to myself, what’s the catch? When does it get hard? After a year of long distance with Prashi, I felt qualified enough to write about this subject. So this is it. 5 ways to survive long distance:
1.Talk
You would think this is an obvious one, but it’s easily overlooked. I love GIF’s, meme’s, and bitmoji characters as much as any other millennial. Sending these to each other is entertaining for a little while, but then you get to a point where you’re justing sending each other random pictures, it leaves you wondering, where did the words go?
Listening to your significant other on the other end of the line is powerful. Listening to their laugh at the end of a long day is a weight off your shoulder. It’s contagious, and it allows you to zone out and forget about the distance for a moment. FaceTime each other, I promise it’s fun!
2.Communicate
Communicating is different from talking, where talking is listening to the other person’s voice and communicating is anything outside of that. Think a little.
A) Are you sending the first text of the day at 7:00pm after work? Much of the time, I wake up and there’s already a text waiting to be read and I quickly reply because my SO made the effort, so I should too. Show interest! I realize not all professions allow you to have access to your phone all day, but if you have time to check Instagram, you have time to send a thoughtful text.
B) Are you getting caught up in happy hour? I love having fun, ya’ll. I like spending time with friends and forgetting what time is, but if I’m getting a phone call from Prashi, I stop what I’m doing to answer (and I have 14 classmates that can attest to this). Now, I’m not saying to leave a party or walk out of a work meeting to talk on the phone endlessly, but acknowledge the phone call and take a few minutes to chat before saying, “I’ll call you back” and actually call back! This should never be an inconvenience!
C) Are you giving each other life updates? Men are taught from an early age not to share their feelings because “feelings are for girls,” so I found this to be a little difficult for Prashi. There were a couple tough conversations because I’d be filling him in on the details of my small town grad life, and he would bottle up so much of what was going on with work, business endeavors, and personal goals. Eventually it gets to be too much for one person and it just comes out all at once, so don’t let that happen to you. Not every conversation has to be filled with I love you’s and I miss you’s and that’s ok.
3.Plan
This was difficult half the time and I imagine it to be difficult for most couples. I’m a full time graduate student and when I’m not in class, I’m putting in my clinical hours and that’s just “showing my face.” Outside of that, I have studying, paperwork for clinic, assignments, essays, and exams scattered throughout (I can’t believe I voluntarily put myself through all that). I’m only talking about myself here! Prashi on the other hand had an equally busy schedule filled with work meetings that sometimes required him to fly across the country on a weekend and stay there days at a time in a different time zone.
Coordinating with another person is HARD. Phone calls to schedule trips to see each other were disheartening as we slowly eliminated weekends that were out of the question. When we finally found a weekend that worked, it was like the sun coming out from behind the clouds! Plan your next visit to give both of you something to look forward to and stick to it. Don’t let anything come in the way of the plans you’ve set with each other.
4.Be present
OK, so you’ve made it this far using steps 1-3. You’re talking, communicating, planning, and you’re finally face to face. Enjoy your time together! I have friends in Dallas that I like to see when I’m in town. I’m the kind of person that likes to keep in touch and see everyone with any time I have available for them. Unfortunately for us all, I didn’t drive 6.5 hours one way to see friends, I did it to see my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I had a hard time with this one, but I thought about it like this: My friends are not going to marry me, raise my children, or bring me breakfast in bed, only my SO will. So, put the phone down, pencil your friends in for later, and go on a date.